I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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