he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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