I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
