you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
