Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
