i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
