god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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