at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
