one two three fourrrrnication!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
