Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
