It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
