just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're like the curious george of whores
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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