we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
