I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
