She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
