At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
