We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
