did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
