Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
