Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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