I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
