He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
