and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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