I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
