her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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