I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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