i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
