I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
