sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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