glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
