That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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