I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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