im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
