you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
