Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
