It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
