I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
