well you can't waste a boner
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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