i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
