i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
