I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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