it's like iHOP with fire
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
