i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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