Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
