I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
