After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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