saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
