at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
God, I missed his penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
