Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
