Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
