i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
